I will begin my journal with a message I sent to a friend of mine, explaining "Our Story" from my point of view. I had already helped Karen type out a lengthy page about us in her experience, when we met another couple like ourselves online and found it was an ideal opportunity to share my version. He is in spirit like myself and she is his messenger/medium like Karen is with me. He and I often email each other with the help of our beloveds. Thinking about it afterwards Karen and I agreed it would be nice to add my message to Our Story (on our website "Realm of Rainbows" - Link in left hand column) and I think it would also make a good start to my journal...

I wrote...

We have been communicating for much of the 27 years since I came over, but have only been learning and working together for the past 5 years. K has always been a believer, but in the early days she relied on other mediums. Although she always wanted to talk to me herself she didn`t realise she could... and then after the first connection happened she started getting the self doubt and confidence issues which we are still working on for her.

Our first contact was very emotional for us. We both knew there was more to our feelings for each other than we realised or understood... we still regret never having acted on our feelings and got to know each other before I came over, but we didn`t know the truth at the time, we lived in different parts of UK and were both too stupidly shy to do anything about it anyway... man what idiots!!! 

When I crossed over in 1980 I was told the truth and was advised that it was our soul contract. I was reminded that K is my soulmate/twinflame, that we had agreed on the life I just left behind and everything that had happened, and that it could be our final incarnation if we wished. I was given a choice, I could stay with K until our reunion or I could "cross over" and wait until we meet again, whenever that would be. Man there was no contest, I didn`t feel there was a choice to make, I wanted/needed my K and I came straight back to find her.

The poor girl was a wreck. It had been a long period of hurt and adjustment for her, I had been in a coma for several weeks before I came over, in all that time she hadn`t eaten, slept or functioned properly. When I came over it was too much for her to handle, she has since told me she felt part of her died too, like she had been ripped apart from the inside, deep inside, and she didn`t know how, or even think she wanted to survive!.

Anyway when I found her she was actually doing glass divination with her mother. She was in contact with her grandfather, who was watching over her until I took over. She was trying to find out how I was, if I was safe and okay... when I came through to her myself the emotion and intensity of it was incredible. I told her the full story and we vowed to each other we will stay together no matter what, so that when she comes over we will never ever have to part again!. When I told her how much I have always loved her since the moment our eyes first met back in the early 1970`s, I was afraid she might not have felt the same, but man.... she cried her heart out and told me she felt exactly the same but was always afraid I wouldn`t!

We remained in contact with glass divination and other mediums for 11 years. Then I was reminded about our soul contract. We were supposed to learn to work together and not just communicate for ourselves. I was told I had to train to be K`s main guide and protector, but it would mean we would have to stop communicating for a while and I was not allowed to tell her until afterwards. I didn`t want her to be lonely so I stupidly guided her into meeting someone for friendship. I got them to visit a medium to tell K I guided them together for temporary companionship... but the medium misread and told her I wanted them to get married. K cried, she thought I was leaving her, but she married the guy thinking it was what I wanted!. Of course she stopped spirit contact because she felt there was no-one here to contact anyway... but that at least gave me the time to start my training so I could talk to and work with her, although I never actually left her.

Well I finished  my training and tried and tried to connect to my beloved but she was blocked. Because she thought I had left her, she didn`t want anything spiritual because if I wasn`t there it was too painful to comprehend. Then she started a family... it was so hard watching her struggle with her need and grief for me at the same time as trying not to do so and get on with her life. She clearly was desperately unhappy, I could hear and feel her silent cries and yearning for me, I was trying to get through to comfort her but couldn`t, man it was awful. She also had some really terrible experiences which I would have dearly loved to help get her through emotionally, although I had helped spiritually at the time, she didn`t know it!.

Several years passed, I had tried everything I could and didn`t know what else I could do. Then I remembered how she always felt so at home and "in tune" when she came to Wales, our connection was always strong but even more so here. I started to give hints about Wales, make her find old photo`s, television adverts about visiting Wales, memories of being here etc. Eventually she took the hint and told her husband she wants to move to Wales!. He is Welsh himself so just assumed it was because of him (lol that made it easy!), they moved here several months later. Then I remembered how I guided her to my grave with a rainbow long ago and how she said she does love rainbows. It dawned on me that I had learned my soul name is Spectrum and hers is Rainbow... surely a rainbow will waken her memories and hopefully her psychic senses, so I started to show her more rainbows!. That was it... she finally realised I was still with her and trying to connect with her... she opened up to me and the emotions and intensity were just like the first time we connected... it was electrifying!. I explained I hadn`t left her but we were supposed to work together and I had to learn how to guide and protect her... I told her she wasn`t supposed to marry the guy but we will have to work around him and her family now, it wasn`t a problem just a temporary setback!.

However I soon realised how unhappy she was being married to him when she and I both know she belongs to and with me. We tried to make it work but she was getting more and more depressed... so I promised I will help her find a way out if she wanted. She did... I put my plan into action for her and last year finally he agreed to separate and K and I now share a house as our own, with her children and the dog!. We are now free to learn, work and grow together and it`s great. I have asked K to change her surname to mine when she can finally get divorced ... she wants to do that for me and we can`t wait!. If nothing else this setback has made us closer and stronger. We know for sure how much we truly love each other by the things we have done with and for each other, and I know how much she really believes in and trusts me... especially since she trusted me to resolve the marriage problem, and she accepted a house without question, which I had promised her and got for us... without even seeing a photo of it... now, that`s trust!. ...

Luv Johnny